Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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