You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
