Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
