dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
