We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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