i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize