I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
