I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
