The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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