Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
