I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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