So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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