New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
