Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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