6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize