i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
