New invention idea: vibrating tampons
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
