she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
