I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
