I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize