yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I supernannyed him into submission
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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