Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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