Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
