meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
