yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
