I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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