I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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