If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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