if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
