This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
