who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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