This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
