never play flip cup with pint glasses
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
