i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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