that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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