goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
