Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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