We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
