Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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