she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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