hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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