what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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