He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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