Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
