dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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