Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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