There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
