It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
