i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
