So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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