My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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