I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And then my night got REAL pukey
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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