i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
