I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
