You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we're making bets on your personal life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
