I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
