She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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