She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
