i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
