You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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