Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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