It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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