Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
