dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
