Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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