Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
two words...techno handjob
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
