Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize