you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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