she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
